B-I-G Announcement- You Know You Want to Be Nosey!

I came to the conclusion that it has been a while since I last posted. Fear not. There is a perfectly reasonable explanation for this, which I am more than happy to disclose with those wanting to read (till the end or that's just cheating!)

With my Dissertation due, (possibly the most important thing I've ever written in my academic life) -running was deemed 'not a priority'.  Me being me, left my 10,000 word dissertation till the last minute (4 weeks worth of minutes till deadline day to be exact- my bad!) After all, I'd signed my contract for 30 hours at work, so I'd finish work and come straight home every night and sit in front of the laptop till very early hours. Safe to say- it was not pretty. Working during the night to get up the next day and go to work. To keep on doing that tedious cycle for 4 weeks was just utterly depressing. Obviously, I ran the Birmingham 10km, with minimal training, but still I managed to produce a 1:02:05 result. It could of been because the course was changed to be less hilly this year. but I was still proud of the time none the less.

So what's happened since you ask??? Well an awesome Summer Wolf Run- but with this one I had to take extra caution. Here goes- get ready for the instant judgements to flood in. I am currently going on 12 weeks pregnant. Yes, ME, PREGNANT- PANIC AND FREAK OUT!













Lets breathe, and have some time for it to settle in. As I bet you were all thinking you'd just set out to read a boring, but slightly funny race review.

This as a result, leads me into ephasising that this blog post isn't specifically about running, its about my thoughts, feelings and experiences since I found out I'm pregnant.

When I found out, I just could not believe it, so much so that I took 3 tests to confirm- including the last being a digital one. I cried, I screamed. My initial though was - abortion. Now. Book. 

I am not mother material, or maternal in any way, shape or form. I can hardly hold babies without wondering whether I'm doing it right. Or when I do hold them, they cry!!! 

Coming from an only child background, I was stubborn enough to express that I didn't want any kids. Since I've been with Jake though, that has slowly changed. Don't worry- this was not planned, if you haven't guessed already. 

Firstly, my vanity kicked in, I just hit my ideal weight. I was happy with my body and how I looked. I would even go as far as to say I was confident. Running wise, I was getting faster, I was building up muscle on my arms, shoulders and legs. I wanted to run marathons this year, which would potentially follow into a walk/run ultra 'Race to the Stones' in 2018. A gruelling, but awesome 100km trail down to stonehenge. I felt great and optimistic. 

Now I just feel like a couch potato. Eating crappy foods. Being exhausted when I get back from work (apparently it's part of the first trimester. According to some. Energy levels begin to come back slowly thereafter). Which at the moment, I can see some steady progress- but this heat isn't helping. Grossly, not being able to go to the toilet properly is another part of pregnancy. Yuk. 

I still try to go to some of Mum's classes and go swimming. But running at the moment is a no go. I feel so guilty. But I cannot wait to embark on my first run which will quite possibly be sooner rather than later at this point. I've read that you shouldn't just let loose and eat what you feel like or it makes it difficult to lose it after giving birth. Yeah right, I work in a pissing foodcourt, where Maccies, Subway and KFC flutters its greasy, high in calorie and fat eyes at my excessively hungry self constantly. My diet is so bad. But I suppose with my job. I am on my feet, walking round and still biking too and from work 3.5 miles or so. 

I've got a new Garmin Forerunner 235. My heart rate remain normally low and steady and my steps exceed 10,000 per day. Walking/cycling on average 8 miles on work days! I must reiterate that for my first pregnancy though. I've only been sick once after the Wolf Run. But in my opinion that was dodgy chicken from the burger van. Baby don't like that much protein. I only feel disgustingly sick when I'm tremendously hungry. Apart from that, I think I can count myself lucky. If you were to say would I go through it again? at current, I would say no. 

My second thought- I asked myself why I would get an abortion?

In short, it would be financial reasons and conflicting views from family and general society alike. 

Yes, me and Jake are not exactly rich. Yes, we've had our ups and downs, but we've been together for 4 strong years. Yes, he doesn't have a great job (which we hope to change in the coming months) or a fantastically fast BMW. But I can happily say:

1. Hes faithful. 

2. He pays his side of the bills. 

3. I know he's not going to run off and leave me. 

4. He's never been unemployed since the age of 17. So I know for damn sure he'll be financially capable of supporting our child! 

This societal man is so materialistically stereotypical. He loves me and I love him. That is all the man I have ever wished for. Being so minimally feminist also. The breadwinner being prodominantly male is soooo 19th Century. If I were to go all history graduate geek, it would be an ideology enforced named 'separate sphere's', in which the male dominated the woman, financially, politically and socially. He was also the sole breadwinner. Come on. It's the 21st century! Who cares, as long as you both support your financial means, you're all good. 

Next- society and family's conflicting views and complete negativity about my current situation.  (sometimes your biggest critics may I add)

 I didn't just sh@g around and get pregnant, to then go on Jezza Kyle for a DNA test. As I joked many a time (FAMILY MEMBERS-  READ AT YOUR OWN RISK- YOU WILL FIND CRUDE). The only other penis I've sat on is the massive plastic one at the Sex Museum in Amsterdam!! 

I know the family members in particular, who didn't know until now will think:

Nicole, you're too young, You're ruining your life. You can't afford this. What about your education?

Yes I am still classed as young, but am I not an adult? I understand. Not being the oldest in both sides do have a significant issue. But it still remains. I am going on 22 years of age. 

I am not ruining my life. I came to the conclusion long before I knew about this tiny human growing inside me that I did not have the will power or first hand experience to become a teacher right at this second. 

This leads me onto a brief explanation of my future, with regards to education. Instead,  I WILL complete a Masters Degree, part- time at Coventry University studying 'Terrorism, Global Security and International Crime'. With this, I hope to progress into the police in some manner. 

Another reason I wanted to keep this child was because I'd done my degree. I am graduating in November, All be it, very, very pregnantly, but it's happening! If I had not finished it, I would not have even contemplated giving birth to this child. But I am, so anti-abortionists calm your titty lar lars. In this time, I will be young enough to still establish a decent career, even if it takes till our child goes to school. I am in no massive rush. I have done the hard work of earning my degree! 

Money... Money...Money... Money- Apparently according to ABBA, is not funny. Especially in a rich mans world.

On a serious note, yes. It's annoying to say, but it does make the world go round. If you would like to tell me or give me some statistics as to who CAN by fact afford a child, then please do. I know many a people who haven't hardly any money, but you know what? They have a great family support units and their children grew up just fine. Not to mentioned loved. Which I know for a fact we'll have Jake's family and my Mum's- Dad's side I hope to say i'll have yours too. Me and Jake will get by and manage.

As my dad always said, "Go and experience the world before settling down. You're not allowed to get pregnant until you're at least 30!" (Whoops- nearly a decade early). But Dad, this was your dream. Not mine. I am quite content in going to Spain/Greece or somewhere in the UK. I hope to use my love for running to help me experience the world, okay a bit excessive- maybe the rest of Europe. I've never had the sudden urge to go travelling into unknown lands. I'm too much of a home bird for that. My plan from here will be to get a career, get married and just enjoy and take life, as it comes with Jake and our child.


So what I'm trying to express is that, the only thing prompting me to get an abortion was a mixture of current societal views and fear for judgements from other people. I have lived my whole life living by what people would think of me. Take it from me, it makes you miserable and what I've concluded is that you can never truly make everyone happy. So stop trying to do so. Do what you want to do with life. As some people have said to me:


"Nicole, you'll regret an abortion. Yes, having a child will be hard, but its the best thing ever and you most definitely will not regret it."

I am a strong believer that everything happens for a reason. Many will know, my Nan passed away in 2014. I was so, so close to her. There is no denying that if she was still here, and I told her, she'd have kittens! But the due date of the child will be roughly around the time we lost her. Now, my cousin also gave birth to a beautiful baby around the same time, the Christmas just gone. Now you can't tell me that is just a coincidence. Hell no! I think God's given her the fertility wand and she's accidentally pointed it at her grandchildren. Ha. 

I did giggle, when I went to my scan the other week, I had the most funniest flashback. It was 2013, I was suffering with constant UTI infections. Nan and Vickie had accompanied me to have an ultrasound to see if everything was all in working order and there was no underlying problems. As the Nurse put on the jelly stuff, Nan just comes out with

"Nicole, there better not be a baby in there". 

Well Nan, I have to tell you, there is most definitely a baby in there now, I'll live by your own mothers saying, as I recall you telling me one night in the car after Line Dancing....

 "When I told my mum I was pregnant, all she replied with was... You've made your own bed. Now lie in it."

The scan was just- WOW! I mean you see things like this on TV or whatever, but I have never been so amazed to be a woman. Normally, it's all doom and gloom isn't it girls? Periods and pains, having to pay for fanny rags and tampons, being more susceptible to yest and UTI infections etc... but no, for once I was proud to be a woman. To think that's a human inside me and growing! I am creating human life. With all the organs. That cause the most hassle! I could see its tiny feet and arms, its rapid heartbeat, its head and body. It was utterly breathtaking. No words can describe. I am so glad I had given myself this opportunity and wasn't scared off by possible judgements, fears about my age or money. Tbh, I now feel disgusted for even contemplating an abortion. It just wasn't for me. 

Finally or nearly finally, this goes directly to my paps. I know you probably won't read this. Even as I sit here, I cry at finally plucking up the courage to tell you this Sunday. I've feared this above all, even above my capabilities of becoming a mother to be. I know you'll initially be disappointed, ashamed even- angry. It's inevitable. But you'll come round. It may take a while. I respect that. This is probably the most shock you've had in a loooong time. But just know that I love you (regardless if I get upset with your reaction) and I know you'll make the bestest Grandad ever. I promise to continue to make you proud. I just hope you don't go too off the rails, or blame mum. I look forward to seeing you near the finish of a marathon in 4 years time holding your grandbaby in your arms egging me  not to stop. 

So here I conclude, I am happy that I decided to keep this baby, I love it already so much. Seeing Jake's face light up at the scan was the best feeling ever. Jake you will make a fantastic father to our unborn baby, I have no doubts whatsoever. I just cannot wait till trimester 2, so I can gain back some sort of energy! 

I would like to thank all my colleagues so far for mothering me and helping me do the jobs that I am now restricted to do without any grievances. A special shout out to Maggie and Sue for just being my advice giver and my reminder of how special having a baby is. Basically my newly adopted Nanny's! 

My two bestfriends for checking up on me and assisting me when I need to go places! 

My mum and stepdad for supporting me from the start (and keeping all my baby stuff at theirs). 

My cousin Shannon for giving me so far, the breakdown for everything motherly and babily and not sugar coating things.

My fiance, Jake for just encouraging me in all aspects of life and putting up with all my mood swings. IloveYou. 

I suppose a thank you is in order to all reading this, and if I've caused any offence. I apologise in advance. But I just needed to get this post off my chest. Please only positive comments on my post, any negativity, family or not you will be thus, strictly removed! Just think about what you say to people in general. Not just me. Regardless of the 'sticks and stones' saying, words do hurt (especially when your newly acquired pregnancy hormones are going through the roof). If it hurts me and I stress (I will, because I'm just that emotionally inclined). It will put unnecessary stress on my unborn baby- I do not want this, and I hope you don't want to either! 

Did you think I'd forget. Nope... SAY HI TO OUR (at current) LITTLE LEMON SIZED BAMBINO